My Little Love Bug

Hey love bug, today's been a hard day with you. Tomorrow is my last exam... ever. I'm graduating on the 19th, and oh what I would give for you to be there. Some very exciting things are happening in my life, and I just wish you were here to celebrate with me. I sit here brokenhearted, unable to stop crying, but I can feel you with me. You're always here. I just wish I could see and talk to you and actually hear you talk back. My heart physically hurts from missing you. This life isn't fair. It's so hard sitting here when all I want to do is FaceTime you and see your beautiful face.  You've been with me today though. It's one of my bad days... but you already knew that. When I first got in my car today, the song "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack was playing. I never hear this song, and didn't think too much of it. Then, when I was out shopping in the afternoon, it played again and it hit me. It's you talking to me. You're a sl...

  Mariyah,  I would be selfish to wish you were back here on this cruel Earth... so call me selfish. I would give anything to have you back here with me. Thank God for technology so I can hear you voice, your laugh, your incredibly unique dance moves. This life wasn't fair that someone as bubbly, selfless, and loving as you only had 20 years on this Earth. I worry everyday that if I don't play your voice in my head that it might slip away from me.  As the days keep going on, it's getting harder for me to look at your pictures. You were so full of life, so happy. It's just not fair. So here I am, sitting here writing to you because it helps my grieving process. When I first found out about you, I thought I would never be able to stop crying. I could barely sleep because I replayed every memory over and over and over in my mind. You were my person.  They say we have soulmates in our life. You were a soulmate in the form of my cousin. I mean, how lucky was I to ha...

Mariyah Kaitlyn Howard, what am I going to do without you? I think of you every minute, every hour, every day. It's hard to fall asleep at night because I replay our memories over and over in my mind. It seems the only way I can give my heart a rest is with some sleep. I can hear your voice all the time, but I worry it is going to slip away from me. You were my go-to. You were and will always be my first best friend. You were so brutally honest, and I miss that so much it hurts.  When we were little, you would always follow me around everywhere.  Every time I think something is cute, I can hear you say, "Katie, no that's ugly." It's hard for me to go home now because it's tempting to send you a text saying, "Hey I'm home, want to hang out?" I miss going past the house and seeing your little red car in the drive.  The day before you were killed, I drove past your house and saw your car in the drive. I thought "should I stop? Ehh no, I'l...